Construction Work with Dad

While building out a closet in Zach's room:

Zach: Let's close the door, so Katie doesn't distract us, and make us pick her up and stuff.

Silver Linings

I can't write this verbatim, but after a day that involved a pink eye diagnosis and repeated discussions about transmission of germs, contagion, and hand washing, Zach could not believe his incredible luck. Consider the following conclusions:

1.) I can't be involved in any clean up activities (other than to supervise), because all of the toys would get my germs on them, and everyone else would get sick.

2.) However, those toys that I have already touched are now the exclusive property of me, since they already contain my germs and must therefore be off-limits to all others. For extra safeguarding, I will relocate these items to the privacy of my bedroom.

Goody Bags

Betsy: What was in the goody bag from Gabby's party?

Zach: I hate to tell ya, but I don't know what they're called.

Girl Stuff

Regarding tights:

Zach: Mommy,why do Katie's socks connect to her pants?

Preschool Thanksgiving Feast

I am NOT a pilgrim. I'm a soldier.

Dessert Definition

Zach (after barely touching dinner): Can I have dessert now?

Charlie: You just had dessert.

Zach: No.

Charlie: You had a tangerine.

Zach: The tangerine was so I can have a dessert.

Betsy: What's a dessert?

Zach (pointing to a box of ridiculously amazing Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe Joe's cookies): I want them.

Betsy: What makes something a dessert?

Zach: It's something what's junk food.

Our first Katie-ism!

Zach: Katie, who's the president?

Katie (with both fists in the air): O-BA-PA!

Zach: Who's going to be the next president?

Katie: Meeeee!

It's better to give...

Betsy: What do you want to get Jack for his birthday?

Zach: One of those books that you push buttons and it makes music. Like the Thomas one?

Betsy: That's a great idea.

Zach: I have two things to say. First, what's my favorite buddy?

Betsy: CJ?

Zach: Yeah, CJ. Do you remember that remote control dump truck we got him?

Betsy: Yeah.

Zach: Well, remember I didn't want to give it to him?

Betsy: Yeah. You wanted to keep it.

Zach: Well, if we get Jack a book, I won't want it.

Considerations....

Betsy: Zach, if you do that again, you go to time out.

Zach, after a pause: Are Legos on the line?

New Technology

Zach: Look at this cool truck I made!

Betsy: What does it do?

Zach: It cuts down clouds!

Theology

Zach: How did they build God?

Betsy: Uh...I don't really know. I don't think anybody knows.

Zach: Whoever handled that is a good expert, that guy.

School Projects

Zach was asking about what's on the schedule at school today and I told him I didn't know.

Zach: Well, I'm definitely going to make a project for you that you'll LOVE. Well, you may not love it, but if you look at it a lot, you'll get used to it.

20 months later...

When Katie was born, she had a gift waiting for Zach when he came to meet her at the hospital...


Zach: Mom, do you remember when you were in the hospital? How did Katie get me that dump truck all by herself? Was there a toy store there?

Five o'clock shadow

To Charlie:

Daddy, even though your face feels funny, I love you.

Politics

After a slightly uncomfortable conversation about our current national leadership...

Betsy:...but everyone's entitled to their own opinion. That's what's great about America.

Zach: Do you mean only adults are entitled to their own opinion?

Mechanics

Betsy: What were you and Daddy talking about while I was asleep in the car?

Zach: Just about how the planet works.

Nature Man

I want to go everywhere. I'm going to explore the whole planet. I am going to be a nature man.

They've got rhythm

Zach is tapping Katie's back a bit too forcefully...

Betsy: Zach!

Zach: It's ok. I'm not playing the sister. I'm playing the drums!

Life Skills

Zach: Mom, when does school start?

Betsy: In two weeks.

Zach: Good. Because I never get to learn anything.

Betsy: What do you want to learn at school?

Zach: How to open a hydrant.

Cool Kids

Katie is starting to refuse the high chair. : (

Betsy: Can't you guys stay babies forever?

Zach: Well, no. But even if I'm not a baby, I'm still gonna be...cool. And if Katie doesn't stay a baby, we don't have to buy a new baby, because kids can do better stuff than babies. And maybe Katie will be cool, too.

Sugar

Zach (after finishing a popsicle): Can I have some of this candy? In this bag?

Betsy: No.

Zach: Why not?

Betsy: Zach, you can't have a popsicle and then candy at the same meal. That's bad for your teeth and the rest of your body.

Zach: Ok, then let's wait a couple of minutes for the candy.

Correspondence

Mommy, can we give Grandma and Grandpa a letter that says, "I love you, Grandma and Grandpa"?

Gondola

Zach: I know a new word.

Betsy: What?

Zach: GONDOLA. (smiles.)

Betsy: What's a gondola?

Zach: It's for when you're in love.

Betsy: Do you have to be in love?

Zach: Yes.

Betsy: What does it mean to be in love?

Zach: It's like when there's two mommies. When you love two girls.

Betsy: Can you just love one girl?

Zach: Well, you can't be in love like that.

Betsy: Are you in love with any girls?

Zach: Well, boys don't usually like being in love. Maybe you could go in a gondola someday.

Betsy: Who would I go with?

Zach: Well, maybe we can get another mommy someday. Like Timmy's mommy. I like gondolas.

Storm

Grandpa: What did you think of the thunder and lightning last night?

Zach: I turned it off.

Brown Nosing

Mommy, you and Katie are the best beautiful guys in the house.

Inclusive

Zach: Excuse me!

Betsy and Charlie, who are sitting on the couch: Yes Zach.

Zach: Mommy and Daddy... You both look pretty! (Pause.) Even you, Daddy.

Playing God

Zach put together an elaborate pretend scenario (involving black bean burritos and a huge ice storm), as he and I each assumed a character living in Richard Scarry's "Busy Town". (For the record, Zach can't stand black beans, and I love them):

Betsy: Thanks for the black bean burritos. Do you want one of them?

Zach: Ok.

Betsy: Do you like black beans?

Zach: Well, not usually, but...I can try.

Betsy: Yum, they're delicious. What do you think?

Zach: A little good. But not as good as cookies. (Pause) I'm going to be God now. But not the God you go to when you die. A different God.

Betsy: What kind of God?

Zach: One who can eat too many cookies and not get a stomach ache.

Dessert : ( -

(Posted by a chagrined Charlie)

After a lot of conflict regarding dinner time manners, Zach decides that even he has had enough...

Zach: I'm tired from all this. I want my desert now.

Just to be clear

Katie's trying to play with my stuff because she thinks she's a big boy but she's absolutely not.

Blueberry - posted by Charlie

(Zach, at the dinner table, sticks a blueberry in his nose, looks up, and smiles.)

Betsy: No Zach. Uncle Craig used to do that, and Grandma didn't like it, and now I know why.

In the eye of the beholder

While waiting for his food at Papa Gino's, Zach was sliding around the booth, looking at the couple behind us, and eying the video games. After what could be construed as my son breathing down the neck of the poor guy behind him, I suggested:

Zach, look at me and Katie!

Zach: Well, you're both beautiful but...so is the floor.

The girl next door

Tahlia, even though you live in a different house than me, I still love ya.

Foreman

Mommy, be careful because I'm doing very dangerous work. You have to keep at a safe distance. I'm wearing safety goggles to protect my eyes, but you don't need to worry about you. Mommy, I'm still going to love you anyway when I got my own house.

Helper

Katie is on the driveway, getting into her favorite little car.

Zach: The steering wheel is missing.

Betsy: Yes, she left it in the back yard. Wanna go get it for her?

Zach: Nah. I'm not usually helpful.

Priorities

I try to have good manners, but I NEED to have really cool fun.

Markers

Zach dropped a bunch of markers on the kitchen floor, and in helping him pick them up before Katie got to them, I noticed some ever-so-small artistic expressions written on the linoleum.

Betsy: Zach! Did you write on the floor?

Zach: I didn't do it.

Betsy: Well, who did, then?

Zach: The BEAST!

Betsy: Who's the beast?

Zach: The bad guy who just left the house. (Pause.) I think I'm telling the truth.

Confidence

Zach's preschool class is making a Jackson Pollock-like painting today (throwing paint).

Betsy: Zach, I'll show you some pictures of paintings that Jackson Pollock did. On the internet, on the computer.

Zach: I don't need you to show me anything on the computer. I know exactly how everything works.

Scratchy

Betsy: What do you like best about Katie?

Zach: She's scratchy fingers.

Betsy: Huh?

Zach: Because scratchy fingers are tickly.

Winner takes all

Zach: Mom, the first person to count to three wins, and if I count to three first, I win and I get to live with you, OK?

Rusty

Zach: Can I watch Scooby Do?

Betsy: Zach, you're tired and it's time for bed.

Zach: But I even want to take a bath, because I'm so dirty and rusty.

Feed the World

Zach:.....BAM BAM BAM... (unintelligible)..BAM.. Shooting gun!

Betsy: Zach! NO! There are no shooting guns in this house.

Zach: Yes, but this shooting gun shoots apples for hungry children.

Silence

Mom, can you stop talking? I want to hear the birds.

Dance Party

My fire station has a special place where you can hang up your coat and take off your boots, and have a dance.

Broccoli

Zach: Mom, how did you make this? Who made this?

Betsy: What?

Zach: Mom, did you make this broccoli?

Betsy (looking at Zach eyeballing his broccoli with a frown....): Do you like it?

Zach: It's hopeless!

Alone together

During a play date with his friend, Andrew:

Zach: What do you want to play?

Andrew: I want alone time. (Sits down on the couch)

Zach: But what do you want to play?

Andrew: I want to be alone.

Zach (sitting down on the couch next to Andrew): How about if we be alone together? Some guys do that.

Upgrades

...After telling Zach about visiting a friend's house to see her new kitchen...
(We have a plastic play kitchen in our big one)

Betsy: ...Because Daddy and I want to get a new kitchen in our house, too.

Zach: I want a new kitchen. I mean, for my little kitchen.

Betsy: What would you like to be different about it?

Zach: I want a kitchen with a tractor and a train track that goes around it. And with little people. For when Katie gets bigger.

Tahlia

Betsy: Wait, do I know Tahlia? Who's she? What does she look like?

Zach: She's really pretty, and she has a lot of hair. And she's like you, but a kid. A girl kid.

Betsy: What's she like?

Zach: She likes me!

More Anatomy: The nut theory prevails

Zach: Let's talk about your insides and your outsides.

Betsy: Ok, what's on the inside?

Zach: Little bugs.

Betsy: How about the thing that makes you think. What makes you think?

Zach: Let me think about it. (Pause, bites into an apple.) Apples make you think.

Betsy: And your brain (gestures). What's here?

Zach: A nut.

Crazy for cookies

I'm doing all these crazy things because I want a cookie! PLEASE!

All grown up

Mommy, you can handle Katie, and I can handle myself. How's that?

Santa's schedule

Grandma, you don't need to sleep in the daytime. Santa only comes in the nighttime. And anyway, it's not Christmas, it's Valentines Day.

Boring stuff

Betsy: Grandma's got a surprise for you. And it's something you're going to LOVE.

Zach: Well, she's got something for you, too. Only it's boring.

Betsy: Why?

Zach: Because grown-ups love boring things.

Betsy: Like what?

Zach: Like salad. You like salad and I don't like salad. Tahlia doesn't like salad. Alex doesn't like salad. And Drew doesn't like salad.

Beginnings

...Tell me about when I moved in with you.

He's a nut!

After a spirited discussion of whether it was tv or bath time:

Zach: Well, if I get in the tub, I'm going to whine. You don't want me to whine all night, do you?

Charlie: I think we should all whine all night. As a family.

Later, while Z is splashing happily in the tub...

Charlie: OK, time to get out. You didn't want to take a bath anyway, right?

Zach: Well...I'm still a little dirty.

Betsy: So your plan is to stay in the tub and whine all night, right?

Zach: I want to stay in the tub until I want to get out. Then I want to whine again.

Betsy: Well, you've got discerning judgment. Why shouldn't our 3-year-old decide how the evening unfolds?

Charlie rolls his eyes, and we get in a little side conversation about how I'm always using big words in support of the sponge that's in between Z's ears.

Zach: What sponge?

Charlie: Did you know you have a sponge between your ears?

Zach: What sponge?

Betsy: What's between your ears? Inside your head? Do you remember? Is it your heart?

Zach: I think that between my ears is a nut!

Civic Participation

I didn't like the voting. There were no toys to play with there.

Plums, dogs, good times

Z: We need to get plums, a dog, and a leash.

Betsy: Do dogs like plums?

Z: No, those are for us to eat. And the leash is so the dog doesn't run away in the street.

After watching me put mascara on:

Mommy, why do you have your mouth open and say nothing?

Love and Marriage

After hearing a couple of verses of "Once in a Lifetime" by the Talking Heads:

Daddy, your beautiful wife is Mommy. (Pause.) I don't have any wife. Neither does Tahlia.

Cousin Ryan

Ryan is a good boy because he made a fort for me when we were in the islands in that house. On the couch. (sigh.) I love him.

Gratitude

After making chocolate chip cookies....

Zach: We should all say 'thank-you' to the oven for making these delicious cookies. Ready? 1...2...3....THANK YOU, OVEN!

Stroller brake

At the mall, as we were getting ready to go home, Zach was making Katie laugh and trying to ride on her stroller. After a few minutes of silliness and very little mileage...

Zach: Hey, mom, is it kind of like I'm the brake?

Friendly's

Waitress: What can I get for you?

Zach: I want a hot dog and French fries. (Pause.) Please.

Waitress: Ok...

Betsy: Just a cup of the soup, please.

Waitress: Ok. Thank you.

Zach: And a rice cake! For Katie!