Waiting

Betsy: Zach, you have to get dressed. Grandma and Grandpa are going to be here any minute.

Zach: Awww, that never goes well.

Betsy: What?

Zach: Whenever you say they're going to be here any minute. Actually, that means it's going to be a really long time.

Why Grandpa can't win at soccer...

Rules for playing soccer with a yoga ball:

1. Zach is always the goalie.
2. If the ball goes over Zach's head - no goal.
3. If the ball hits Zach's head - no goal.
4. Grandpa is allowed only four goals, at Zach's discretion.
5. Goals can be disallowed, at Zach's discretion. This may occur numerous times in the course of a game.
6. The game ends when Zach gets tired.
7. Additional rules may be established during play, at Zach's discretion.
   

Zach, at the game's end: You're old, so you're not a powerful winner.