Muppet Movie Imitating Real Life

While watching Kermit and Miss Piggy's date scene:

Zach: I'm the green guy and Tahlia's the pig.

I'm a strong and powerful man.

Zach's letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I hope you are having fun. I want you to be kind and not be scared. I have been a good boy. For Christmas, I would like a John Deere tractor that goes around in circles. Please bring my sister, Katie, a garbage can. But not one you can throw real garbage in. Just pretend. Thank you, Santa. Merry Christmas.

Love,

Zach

Santa

Zach: I saw Santa on Halloween.

Betsy: You did?

Zach: Yes, he was running....(pause)...but he didn't give me any presents.

Betsy: No, he doesn't give presents at Halloween.

Zach: Yeah. (pause) That's a shame.

The real one

To his babysitter while on vacation, after presenting her with a Santa doll:

Zach: I know the real guy.

New Baby

To his cousin, Ryan: When Katie gets big, she's going to go away and we're gonna get a new baby.

Thoughts in Paradise

Even in a remote island in the British Virgin Islands, Zach still thought about what he loves best at home....

Upon waking up: I just love she's (Katie's) sock drawer.

Peace

Zach: What do you want for Christmas?

Betsy: I want the world to be at peace.

Zach: We don't have any of that. We just have toys.

Zachizms from Cousin Renee

After zach was making a sand castle...

renee: zach why are you sucking on your Hand, its covered in sand!?!?

Z: I like sand..... it tastes Crunchy!

charlie: Ewwwww!!!!


renee: zach if you want the cracker, u better say please and thank you!

Z: But, renee, i only say please and thank you to mommy and daddy!


John morly passes by....

renee: Hey john!

Zach: hi john!

Z: you should always say hi to john!

renee: why?

Z: because he might Vanish a day!

renee: i dont think he will vanish!!

Z mumbles: he might!

Plumber/Plummer

On watching the cable guy working in our basement:

Zach: We need to tell him to fix the water main break.

Betsy: He doesn't work with water. He works with our computer, and our phone.

Zach: And I used to be a plumber, so I worked with plums.

Thinking posture

Betsy: Another good thing to know about table manners is not to put your elbows on the table.

Zach: But I have to put my elbow on the table when I'm trying to think. And use my 'magination.

New Job

Betsy: Zach, I want the blinds open. I want sunshine in the house. The blinds stay open in the daytime.

Zach: No, I want them closed.

Betsy: Sorry, but it's my house, and I like the sunshine. If you get a job and start paying the mortgage, you can decide how the blinds go.

Zach: Yes, and I just got a job!

Betsy (sigh): What job?

Zach: My job is to close the blinds.

Artist Daddy

Zach: Look at this smiley face.

(Charlie had drawn on Z's Magna Doodle.)

Betsy: Do you know who left that picture for you?

Zach: No.

Betsy: Who do you think?

Zach: I don't know.

Betsy: I think it was Daddy.

Zach: No, it wasn't Daddy.

Betsy: How do you know?

Zach: Because Daddy isn't a great artist.

Betsy: I actually think Daddy is a very good artist.

Zach: Yes, but he's not a great artist of smiley faces.

Mean Tools

Z: I don't want to go to Dr. J.

Charlie: Why not? I thought you liked Dr. J.

Z: He has mean tools.

Charlie: Mean tools?

Z: Yes, his tools are mean. He has shots.

Cinderella Synopsis

She's going to a party. Everyone has princess stuff. But she doesn't have any princess stuff. So an old lady comes and makes her dreams come true. And when the clock goes off, her dress goes away. I think because somebody else wanted to go to the party, and they didn't have a fancy dress. So they took her dress and it disappeared.

Dreams

Betsy: What are you going to dream about tonight?

Zach: Spending lots of time with Tahlia and Cole.

Not a game

Zach: When I kiss you, you have to kiss me. And when I hug you, you have to hug me.

Betsy: I like this game!

Zach: It's not a game. It's just love.

Katie on the run

(Troy and Jack are, intermittently, Zach's imaginary friends, his cousins, and, most often, his construction crew.)

Zach, about to leave the living room for the dining room: I gotta go.

Betsy: Ok. Call your mother.

Zach: Ok. (pointing to Katie) Hey, Troy and Jack said that she sometimes tries to escape. Keep an eye on her!

Charlie was so tired tonight that he took Katie out of the tub, brought her into Zach's room, and started putting Zach's pajamas on her.

Betsy: Why do you like things with wheels?

Zach: Because they're beautiful!

What is a tree's job?

Going the Distance

Zach seems to do better at school when he blows off some steam first....


Betsy: So you're going to do 5 laps around the house. FAST! .....There's lap 1! .....(waiting).....Where's lap 2?

Zach: No lap 2.

Betsy: Why not?

Zach: Batteries ran out.

Wow

Zach (after perusing a toy catalog): Guys, COME! Look at this cool thing!

Grandma: What did you find?

Zach: It's a cart, and it has wheels. Grandpa, come look!

Grandpa: Let me get my glasses, so I can read it.

Zach: I don't need you to read it. I just need you to say "WOW!"

(Later)

Betsy: Did you say "WOW!"?

Grandpa: Sure did. It was $300.

Z: I use the potty every day now.

Grandma: That's wonderful! When did that start?

Z: That starts in 5 minutes.

Shhhh....

Zach (upon waking up): Are Grandma and Grandpa still here?

Betsy: No. But we're going to their house tomorrow. And the next day, we have a BIG surprise.

Zach, after a pause: You know, some people TELL surprises...

Cumbersome Costume

Zach was a Zach-in-the-box for Halloween. One neighbor, concerned about his mobility, asked:

Neighbor: How do you walk around wearing that box?

Zach: I got toes under here!

Even when I'm crying, I still feel happy.

Knock-Knock

Zach: Knock-knock

Betsy: Who's there?

Zach: Mr. Potato Head table.

Betsy: Mr. Potato Head table who?

Zach: (silence)

Betsy: Ok, let's try this. Knock-Knock.

Zach: Who's there?

Betsy: Orange.

Zach: Orange who?

Betsy: Orange you sorry you made me cry?

Zach: Ha ha. Now Mommy, THAT'S a joke!

Zach's job

Zach: Do you know what my job is?

Betsy: What?

Zach: I don't just find lost children. I also find lost sheep.

Betsy: You do?

Zach: Uh-huh. I find lost sheep and bring them home. And that's why I'm a super hero!

What I love

Betsy: You're having trouble falling asleep?

Zach: Uh-huh.

Betsy: Well, think about some happy things. What do you love?

Zach: I love Tahlia, and people, and trucks.

Boo-Boos

Charlie: Make sure you tell us whenever you get a boo boo. It's important that you tell us when you get hurt.

Zach: Daddy, it looks like I'm already full of boo boos.

Regarding Katie

This cutie needs a bath.

Circle Time

Maria (teacher): Zach, do you understand that circle time is mostly for listening? It's my turn to talk. You can ask questions at the end of circle time.

Zach: Yes, but, Maria. It's just that sometimes I have so MANY questions.

Sexism in the preschool set (sigh)

Betsy: Does an apple have a brain?
Zach: No

Betsy: Does a caterpillar have a brain?
Zach: (laughs) No.

Betsy: Do you have a brain?
Zach: Yes!

Betsy: Does Andrew have a brain?
Zach: Yes.

Betsy: Does Katie have a brain?
Zach: No.

Betsy: How come Katie doesn't have a brain?
Zach: Because she's not a boy.

Z: Mommy, we have to go to the doctor, because you and I are going to have a baby!

Foreman Zach

Betsy: Zach, it's time to clean up.

Z: OK. But I can't help clean up.

Betsy: Why not?

Z: Because I have to be in charge.

Future's so bright, you gotta wear shades

Z: Mommy, I don't like the dark.
Betsy: Why not?
Z: It makes my eyes like sunglasses.

Betsy: What did you do at school while everyone else was using the potty?
Zach: I was the director. I made sure everyone was safe.


Let’s go to the jungle. Wait, let me call to see if it’s open.


Mommy, why do balloons pop?


I’m not a doctor. Why do I have a stethoscope?


Zach: Daddy, do you know what ‘shit’ means?
Charlie: Uh, what does it mean?
Zach: Oh, it just means you made a wrong turn.

sunglasses

Zach: I have two sunglasses. They're both broken.
Betsy (preoccupied): It's been a fun day.
Zach: It's also been a broken down day.

Brain

Zach: Does the baby's milk go in her tummy?

Betsy: Yes, but first it goes down her throat. The milk is good for her brain.

Zach: What's brain?

Betsy: Your brain is in your head. It helps you to think. It also
helps you to walk, run, and do all the things that you do.

Zach: Will it help my cough get better?

Being a big brother....

Mommy, do you know why I got Katie's ball for her?
Why?
Because I'm her hero!
- Zach. Sep 24th 2007

(also...)
Betsy: Did you have fun with Donna in Boston today?
Zach: Mommy, it was pretty amazing.
(March 29th 2007)

yuckiest part of the day...

Betsy: What was the best part of today?

Z: I don't know.

Betsy: Well, you went to school today, and we went out to lunch, and
you played with Tahlia and Lilly. So what was the best part?

Z (whispers): 'chool.

Betsy: School was the best part? What was the worst part? The yuckiest
part of the day?

Z: I want you to tell me.

Betsy: Well, I don't know. It's whatever you think.

Z: My poop was pretty yucky.
- Aug 29 2007

Hmmmm

"You really can't use a chain saw when you're changing your diaper.'
- Zach, Sep 20 2007